Dear reader, this article is intended for fun, we know that we can't endorse drinking or the consumption of alcohol in excess. We're just saying that has been fun and not everyone who has partied has turned into raging alcoholics some just had a really good time.
Now, as beer devotees, we can sometimes get a little annoyed with people when they start splurging out the negative effects alcohol can have on you and your body. We tried to do a bit of research on the topic, but we found the results so pessimistic and depressing that we were back at the bar before the regular old-timers had the chance to get in through the door!
One day, after a session, still trying to fathom why many people were so against alcohol and the effects of the lovely beverage that we produce, we decided to see what positive things the Internet had to say on the subject. Well, it turns out that the effects of alcohol come with a very one-sided argument, which just says: bad, bad, bad, bad, BAD! We found this to be very unfair on our friend alcohol; and, from our experiences, entirely inaccurate!
It is these experiences, and a want for the public to be able to make truly informed decisions, that have driven us to scribing this piece; telling you guys (some of you may be drinkers some of you may not) the benefits that alcohol brings to the human condition. We can assure you that we have thoroughly researched the topic, over many decades, and can conclusively back up our points with mounds of anecdotal evidence, provided by us, our friends and others who may have been there at the time.
However, to keep this piece shorter, and to withhold embarrassment, we have chosen some writers and historical figures to help us along with our narrative on The Good Side of Drinking.
Drinking is rather like visiting a new city for the first time, you already know about it but you don’t know what’s around the next corner, or the one after that or the one.... A night begins in the pub, yet it never truly knows where it is heading. It has a general destination, but it quickly becomes the alcohol that paves the road out in front of us.
Is this not what we drink for? To escape normality and find an adventure within the mundane world that we inhabit. The more inebriated you get the higher the chance of something out of the ordinary happening, and, with everyone else in the vicinity also playing with the odds, the chances are that it will begin to happen pretty soon.
The beauty of this is that the alcohol also gives you the balls to immediately participate in whatever adventures or dangers may arise. Alcohol does not care for seconds thoughts, nor is it really bothered by standards or opinions. It desires adventure as much as you; hence the famous “I’m only coming out for one.”
Everyone’s has to endure them: mundane family gatherings or slow office Christmas party; wondering when it may be over, or “what’s the earliest time I can slip out the door?” But put a few bottles of wine on the table or a beer in everyone’s hand and suddenly the situation is turned on its head! John the accountant is far more interesting than his downturned face makes him look, he actually has a lot to say on the theory of life, and, more interestingly, deeply formed opinions of the other people sat around the table. You discover that your aunt, who you’ve never really spent more than twenty minutes talking to in your life, is an absolute hoot after she’s had three glasses of wine and begins to spill out drunken tales of her younger misdemeanors, right in front of the whole family.
It’s a fact: alcohol loosens people’s minds and their tongues; allowing us all to comfortably touch on taboo, or rarely discussed subjects. Topics that we believe others are not interested in or observations and jokes that are deemed “below the bar” only emerge once we've all started to drink and begun to sink off our stools and are eventually found below the bar ourselves.
You will try almost anything when you’re drunk. This is because alcohol gives your moral (and your ego) a huge boost. You suddenly feel like one of the greatest people in the room, ready to take on the world; you just need the correct people to impress, and being out and about is a sure-fire way to ensure that they are always in abundance.
Approaching that gorgeous woman across the bar -who you spotted earlier but would never have dreamed of approaching- suddenly seems like the greatest idea in the world. This confidence increase, courtesy of our friend alcohol, rarely has long-lasting negative repercussions; for, the worst answer you can get is no! After all, how many couples do you know that first stumbled into each other lives after a few beverages in a pub or club, usually with an interesting story to base it around too!
Beer goggles, as this effect is affectionately known, benefit everybody. Once on there is no reversing the effects, not that one would really want too; because suddenly the world is full of beautiful people, and now you have the confidence to approach them! Sure alcohol may be lying (a little bit) to both parties, but who said there’s any fault with that.
Sure it may sometimes require a ninja-esque escape once you’ve come around in the morning, but it’s all part of the adventure and the story to tell; or not. Some people prefer to keep this part quiet until it’s teased out of them at some point in the future.
Alcohol doesn’t stop having it’s fun with you once your night is over. Frequently you may find, the next morning, that that pesky alcohol has hidden the memories of the night before underneath a bad hangover; leaving you confused as to why you feel sooo bad. It also leaves you very ill-informed about how you got to the strange and unfamiliar place where you now find yourself.
This then leads to scouring through social media, text messages and call lists in an attempt to piece together the adventures of last night’s excursion. It makes for some highly entertaining moments when one of your friends may not remember the acts undertaken the night before, or even refuse to believe that they did that. Photos, unfortunately in this case, areone'ss worst nightmare and their friends best friends.
A contributing factor to many of the above mentioned benefits, however, it definitely deserves its own honorary mention. The lowering of our inhibitions is the single best effect alcohol has on the human condition. The barriers that restrict your real persona and allow you to comfortably operate in conventional society are shed; bringing out the real you.
Sometime people say: “you’re not you when you’re drunk”; well, to tell you the truth, due to the effects of alcohol you’re actually more you than you were before! You will speak your mind, act flamboyantly and partake in activities and conversations that had only ever happened inside your head before you were intoxicated.
The great thing about this is that you are surrounded by people whose societal boundaries are also being relinquished, and, as a result, all of you are becoming closer, more open and getting to know each other a lot better. Just think of how many of your mates became good mates or best mates when you were drunk in a bar, getting down to it, and laughing about what exactly makes your real-self tick.
Well, there it is. This is the knowledge that we are now passing down to you, after years and years of adventures, mishaps, misplaced memories and forgotten experiences we can confidently conclude that alcohol is of benefit to the human condition. If you know of others that can be added to this research paper please let us know below!
Otherwise, to friendships new and old, blind fun, outrageous jokes, unknown adventure and the chance of that spark of love; we’d like to raise a glass: To the benefits that alcohol brings to the human condition. Cheers!